Making a child the messenger in a divorce

Jeffrey Kluger, Science Journalist and Author, shares advice for divorced parents on why it is important to not make your kids the messenger in a divorce
Divorce And Children | Making Kids The Messenger In A Divorce
KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
Kids in the House Tour

Making a child the messenger in a divorce

Comment
684
Like
684
Transcription: 
Children of divorce parents already have loyalty issues. Every moment they spend with the other parent, every sign of love they spend with the other parent feels like a betrayal of the parent on the other side of town. When parents enlist their kids in carrying messages back and forth, or keeping an eye on the other parent: How was your Dad when you stayed with him? All that does is exacerbate their problem. Now, you've made the child an ally. Now you've made the child a confederate. It makes it even harder for that child to connect then feel comfortable with the opposite parent. That, in turn, can damage the relationship between the other parent and the child. Remember, if the other parent feel spied on by one of his kids or her kids, they're going to be less inclined to be intimate with that child. They're going to be less inclined to be candid with that child. They're going to be less inclined to feel comfortable with that child. What a parent does, who enlist another child then, has not only damaged the child, but damaged the bond that child has with the opposite parent.

Jeffrey Kluger, Science Journalist and Author, shares advice for divorced parents on why it is important to not make your kids the messenger in a divorce

Transcript

Expert Bio

More from Expert

Jeffrey Kluger

Science Journalist & Author

Jeffrey Kluger is a senior editor and writer at Time magazine, covering science, health and other fields. He is the coauthor, along with astronaut Jim Lovell, of Apollo 13, the book that served as the basis of the 1995 movie. His more-recent release, Splendid Solution, told the story of Jonas Salk and the Polio Vaccine.  His novel, Nacky Patcher and the Curse of the Dry-Land Boats, was published in June 2007, and his newest nonfiction book, Simplexity: Why Simple Things Become Complex, was published in June 2008.

Before coming to Time, Kluger worked for Discover magazine, where he was a senior editor and humor columnist. Prior to that, he was health editor at Family Circle magazine, story editor at The New York Times Business World Magazine, and Associate Editor at Science Digest magazine. His features and columns have appeared in dozens of publications, including The New York Times Magazine, Gentlemen's Quarterly, The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, Omni, McCall's, New York Magazine, The New York Post, Newsday, and, of course, Time. He has worked as an adjunct instructor in the graduate journalism program at New York University; is a licensed—though non-practicing—attorney; and is a graduate of the University of Maryland and the University of Baltimore School of Law. He lives in New York City with his wife Alejandra and their daughters, Elisa and Paloma.

More Parenting Videos from Jeffrey Kluger >
Enter your email to
download & subscribe
to our newsletter