Advice for when your kids know about your affair

Tammy Nelson, PhD suggests ways to minimize the damage when kids find out about a parent's affair
Parenting and Family Advice | When your kids know about your affair
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Advice for when your kids know about your affair

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So your kids found out that you had an affair. What now? There's a couple different pieces that I think are really important to talk about. One is, make sure, even going forward after the disclosure of the affair that you don't leave your computer around for your kids to look at, that you don't leave your phone hanging around, because kids are much more savvy technologically than you think. They're way ahead of us when it comes to peaking around and finding information. So they're going to find out the things that you don't necessarily want them to know once they find out that there's a possibility of an affair, they might become little detectives and want to know more details. So the important thing to let them know, if you have questions, come to me. Ask me directly. Don't try to find out from your friends or from the other parent or from snooping around my computer. I really want you to know that I'm happy to answer anything that I think might be helpful to you. But also there are some things that are just grown up things. And there are some things that I'm happy to share if you have questions about. And it's okay for you to tell me how you feel. If you're feeling scared, if you're feeling unsure about your future, if you're feeling insecure, I want to help you with that. And frankly, I'm going to let you know if I'm feeling a little scared or unsure too. But I'm in charge. I'm a grown up, and we're going to be fine, because it's important to let your kids know that you are in charge. Sometimes when your kids hear that you've had an affair, they think you're out of control, and that you have created chaos and that you are not going to be available to take care of them. And the important thing to let them know is that you have your life under control, that you can handle this, and that you will be there to take care of them.

Tammy Nelson, PhD suggests ways to minimize the damage when kids find out about a parent's affair

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Tammy Nelson, PhD

Psychotherapist & Relationship Expert

Tammy Nelson PhD is the author of several books including, “Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together”  (2008) and  “What’s Eating You? A Workbook for Anorexia and Bulimia (2004)” and her latest  book “The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity” (January 2013) is receiving critical acclaim.  She has been a featured expert in New York Times, Washington Post, Self,  Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, MSNBC,  Shape, Men’s Health, Women’s Health Woman’s Day, Women’s Health, and a source in Time Magazine. She writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango and can be followed on her blog www.drtammynelson.com/blog/.

Tammy Nelson is a Board Certified Sexologist, a Certified Sex Therapist and an Imago Relationship Therapist.  She is an international speaker and a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with over 25 years of experience working with individuals and couples.  She travels and lectures internationally on her quest for global relational change.

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