When one twin is more assertive

Joan Friedman, PhD Psychologist & Twin Expert, shares advice for parents of twins on how to properly intervene to help the other twin feel more empowered
Raising Twins | When One Twin Is More Assertive Than The Other
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When one twin is more assertive

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If one twin is more assertive than the other, parents intervene to help the accommodating twin feel more empowered. For example, if John's mother asks him, "What do you want to drink?" and John's brother, Greg, answers, "He'll have orange juice." Mom has to say to John, "No, John, you need to tell me what you'd like to have." The same thing can happen, for example, what if mom says to Phil, "You're a bad boy and I'm going to reprimand you," but Phil's sister, Anne, chimes and says, "Mommy, mommy, no don't discipline him. He didn't do anything wrong." Unfortunately, parents of twins see this cute twin interaction loving and very maternal and protective. However, what parents of twins don't understand is that, in this case scenario, is that Anne is being very domineering and controlling. It's a parental job to be the disciplinarian and that's who should be setting limits and deciding how things should be handled. Remember, you don't want your twins to rely on each other to be surrogate parents.

Joan Friedman, PhD Psychologist & Twin Expert, shares advice for parents of twins on how to properly intervene to help the other twin feel more empowered

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Joan Friedman, PhD

Psychologist & Twin Expert

Dr. Joan A. Friedman is a prominent and well-respected twin expert who shares her passionate views and insights about twins and their emotional needs with twins and their families throughout the world. The fact that she is an identical twin and the mother of five, including fraternal twin sons, makes her ideally suited to this task. Her commitment to twin research and her treatment of twins of all ages demonstrate the breadth and depth of her skills and experience. She conducts ongoing groups for parents of twins and provides consultation on twin related matters such as school placements, developmental discrepancies, and behavioral issues.

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