How to communicate with a narcissist

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How to communicate with a narcissist

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I use this phrase in my book about gifts of communication that the gift is that which we give to one another in a healthy relationship, the gift of collaboration, we consider the other person's point of view. Narcissists have a really hard time collaborating because they wanted all their way and so, it's hard for them to listen to the input of others. They've a very hard time saying I'm sorry because I'm sorry means I'm no good and they've a very hard time being the bad guy. Remember, deep within the heart of them is this little child who feels defective, and bad, and unlovable so the I'm sorry does not come easily for them. I try to teach them the gift of being able to say I'm sorry without feeling like the bad guy. Think about compassion for the wounded instead of redemption for the sinner. When a narcissistic father is yelling on their child about something or the other, I ask them, "Would you like somebody else treat your child that way? What would you do if you saw a stranger doing that to your child?" "Oh, I jumped right in and I'd stop it." "Yeah, but you don't protect your child from that part of you. Isn't that interesting? There's a part of you. It's not all of you but there's a part of you that sometimes runs the show against your better judgment." So, the gift of even being able to say I'm sorry in a way that takes into consideration the impact on the other is very important part of the art of change.

Watch Video: How to communicate with a narcissist by Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, ...

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Wendy T. Behary, LCSW

Psychotherapist & Author

With 25 years post-graduate training and advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The New Jersey Institute for Schema Therapy. She has been treating clients, training professionals and supervising psychotherapists for more than 20 years. Wendy is also on the faculty of the Cognitive Therapy Center and Schema Therapy Institute of New York, where she has trained and worked with Dr. Jeffrey Young since 1989. She is a founding fellow of The Academy of Cognitive Therapy (Dr. Aaron T. Beck). Wendy is also the President of the Executive Board of the International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST).

Wendy Behary has co-authored several chapters and articles on schema therapy and cognitive therapy. She is the author of the New Harbinger Publication (1st and upcoming 2nd edition) Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. As an author and an expert on the subject of narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of several chapters on schema therapy for narcissism. She lectures both nationally and internationally to professional and general audiences on schema therapy, and the subject of narcissism, relationships, and dealing with difficult people. Her work with industry has included speaking engagements focused on interpersonal conflict resolution. Her private practice is primarily devoted to treating narcissists, partners/people dealing with them, and couples experiencing relationship problems. She is also an expert in coaching individuals in interviewing, public speaking, and interpersonal skills enhancement.

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