Handling unwanted advice from your own mom

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Handling unwanted advice from your own mom

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If your mom’s trying to give you a little too much advice around how to take care of your baby and you feel like you’re not really getting some space to figure this out on your own, it’s important to talk to her. That being said, mother-daughter relationships are complicated and complex, so I can’t give you detailed specifics. If you think your mom is open to having a real, honest conversation, I would strongly suggest having a very vulnerable conversation around how this is difficult to approach and you don’t want her to feel bad, but that it’s important for you to be able to find your own confidence around how to care for your baby. It’s important also to remember to tell her how much you love her and how much you’ve respected her as a mom, because your mom is immediately going to hear the exact same thing that you’re hearing every time she gives you advice, which is, “You’re doing it wrong. You did it wrong and I want to do it different.” So you’re both going to be coming from the same place. Try not to get defensive and talk with one another. If you don’t have that kind of relationship with your mom, maybe you just need to be able to be succinct and kind of put her back a little bit. A lot of moms will respond to the experts’ opinion, whether it’s the doctor, or research or whatever it might be. You’re going to know your mom best to know who it is she is going to respect to then give you your space.

Watch Aimee Wheeler, PsyD's video on Handling unwanted advice from your own mom...

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Aimee Wheeler, PsyD

Therapist

When her son was born, Aimee found herself in uncharted waters. She knew she wanted to be a different type of parent than her parents had been. After years of self-exploration, she felt she had healed a lot of her childhood emotional wounds and that she could be a good mother but she didn't really know how to parent differently. She went to Mommy and Me classes, breastfeeding groups, you name it, searching to fill a void she initially could not identify. They were all helpful but not what she felt she was longing for. She realized she was looking for a safe place to really talk about the challenges she was facing every day. Unfortunately, it seemed that none of the forums she found as a new mother were able to provide that. She vowed then to create such a place for parents, and the idea for Parenting Discovery Center was born.

Her educational background in psychology had nurtured her tremendous curiosity about the impact and importance of infant attachment. Her research in this area had equipped her with a conscious sieve to help evaluate the overwhelming amount of parenting advice available. What she found was that at a time of total vulnerability, parents are often taught parenting techniques that cause them to unwittingly undermine this important and essential bond. 

The Center provides a safe and supportive environment for exploring the emotions and challenges faced by new parents. They are also here to help peoople understand the importance of attachment and help parents build a conscious bond with their baby based upon their individual family's values and lifestyle. 

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