If you have ever heard a conversation between a parent, a frustrated parent, and a child you've definitely heard compliant statements coming out of that parent's mouth meaning, "Don't hit your brother" , "Stop pulling my hair", all those things we're constantly telling our kids not to do. Instead, reversing that and changing the way we communicate is going to be a much stronger lesson for them. In other words, instead of telling them "Don't hit your brother", say "Keep your hands to yourself". Instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch", say "Sit on your bottom." Depending on the age, of course, that's going to look a little different, but letting your kids know what we expect of them is going to be the best model for them. Because they're going to know that you think they're capable of reaching those goals. If you continuously tell them what not to do, some kids are going to continue to think,"That's what they expect" and that's what you expect of them. Some kids will take those compliant statements a little differently, especially older children, in other words, if you are continuously telling them what not to do, those particular children will assume that is what you expect of them. So letting them know what you do expect of them will give them a different feeling and actually increase their self esteem, knowing that you believe that they are capable of reaching those goals.