Getting your partner to help with the kids without nagging

Marriage & Family Therapist Julia Kantor, MFT, shares advice for parents on how to get your partner to help more with the kids without nagging
Marriage & Parenting Advice - Division Of Labor Issues With Spouse
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Getting your partner to help with the kids without nagging

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Divison of labor is a major source of conflict for a lot of couples. Couples tend to fall into unspoken roles and expectations and then get resentful. So what I recommend is proactively sitting down to talk with your partner about how division of labor was handled in each of your families growing up and how you'd like it to be in the family that you're creating now. I also recommend that you make a list of the daily tasks and weekly chores that need to get done and then divide up responsibilities and decide together who is going to take charge of which responsibilities. This will empower your partner and take you out of the role of gatekeeper and task master. And finally do periodic check-ins. Check in with yourself. How is this arrangement working for me? Is it still working for you? And make adjustments as situations change. It really doesn't matter if you have a traditional role division or a totally egalitarian. What matters is that you make these decisions consciously to avoid build up resentment.

Marriage & Family Therapist Julia Kantor, MFT, shares advice for parents on how to get your partner to help more with the kids without nagging

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Julia Kantor, MFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Julia Kantor, is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 15 years of experience. With a private practice in Beverly Hills and Sherman Oaks, Julia provides psychotherapy to individuals and couples dealing with a broad range of challenges. Julia also leads infant and toddler groups at the Pump Station and Sinai Temple and specializes in helping moms and couples to stay connected and improve communication post-children. She regularly speaks on "Childproofing Your Marriage" and offers phone coaching on this subject as well. 

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