What to do when someone tells you your spouse is having an affair

Tammy Nelson, PhD outlines the steps to take when someone tells you your spouse is having an affair
Relationship Advice | When someone tells you your spouse is having an affair
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What to do when someone tells you your spouse is having an affair

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If someone tells you your partner is having an affair, it can be an incredible shock, unless you know deep inside that that's probably true. Because sometimes, just hearing from a friend or someone else that your partner is cheating just affirms for you what your intuition has been telling you all along. Sometimes it can come out of nowhere, and it can trigger this fear of why didn't I know this? Why didn't I pay attention to the signs? The most important thing for you to do at this point is to confront your partner. To say, I'd really like to sit down and have a talk. And to look them in the eye and be direct, say this is something that I've heard. You don't necessarily have to tell them from who. And I'm wondering if there's any truth to this. And you know what your partner looks when they're telling the truth and they're not telling the truth. And the discomfort of being confronted can make anybody nervous, so take that into account. What you don't want to do is start searching through their stuff and playing detective, because that only makes you more anxious. And the idea of having an open and honest and transparent relationship starts with the ability to communicate your fears and your concerns. So before you decide, oh my God, this must be true, talk to your partner. Ask them directly. This is what I heard. And I want to know what you think about this. And don't judge your partner by how defensive they get. Judge your partner by what they're really saying.

Tammy Nelson, PhD outlines the steps to take when someone tells you your spouse is having an affair

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Expert Bio

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Tammy Nelson, PhD

Psychotherapist & Relationship Expert

Tammy Nelson PhD is the author of several books including, “Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together”  (2008) and  “What’s Eating You? A Workbook for Anorexia and Bulimia (2004)” and her latest  book “The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity” (January 2013) is receiving critical acclaim.  She has been a featured expert in New York Times, Washington Post, Self,  Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, MSNBC,  Shape, Men’s Health, Women’s Health Woman’s Day, Women’s Health, and a source in Time Magazine. She writes for the Huffington Post, YourTango and can be followed on her blog www.drtammynelson.com/blog/.

Tammy Nelson is a Board Certified Sexologist, a Certified Sex Therapist and an Imago Relationship Therapist.  She is an international speaker and a licensed psychotherapist in private practice with over 25 years of experience working with individuals and couples.  She travels and lectures internationally on her quest for global relational change.

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