I did not breastfeed any of my children, which was not the way it was supposed to go at all. I was breastfed, I wanted to breastfeed my children, I thought it was the most natural way, it would just give me this bond. There was never any doubt that that was the route I would go, unfortunately my body did not agree. I spent weeks with my daughter trying to build up milk production. I took drugs, I had lactation consultants – I did everything I could do to make it work, and it just didn't work. I would pump for 3 hours and I would get like that much milk. My daughter was losing weight. Finally the pediatrician said, “Formula is not going to kill her. It’s okay, you can use it,” and I did, and she was such a better baby. She was sleeping, she gained weight, she was happier. I, on the other hand, was not so happy. I felt like I was failing this creature and it was my job to keep her safe and provide for her, and I wasn't. And if this was the beginning, where was I going to go from there?
But I slowly came to realize that she would be fine, she would still bond with me, she would still be a healthy, functioning child, and it was not something worth eating myself up about. I wish I’d known that. I wish I hadn't wasted the hours that I did feeling guilt and sadness for something that was completely out of my control.
So, I think if it’s something that you’re struggling with and you do resort to formula, it’s okay. If you don’t even want to breastfeed, if it doesn't feel right for you, if you don’t like it, it’s okay. Plenty of kids are formula-fed and turn out to be intelligent, healthy people. It’s not the end of the world, it’s not something to be ashamed of and you will both be fine.