How to get your child to want to cooperate

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How to get your child to want to cooperate

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What can you do to help your child want to cooperate with you? First, see things from your child's point of view, Second, empathize. I know you wish it could be otherwise but this is the way that it is. But I hear you, I hear how much you want that. You are empathizing. Three, when things get heated, stay calm. You want to communicate to your child that it is not an emergency and then your child can then settle down and cooperate better with you. Nobody can cooperative or even think straight when they are in fight, flight or freeze, so settle your child down by staying calm yourself. Look for win win-win situations. If your child trusts that you will try to find a solutions that works for her as well as one that works for you, she will get used to doing that. And she will come to you and say mom, I know you are not going to want me to do this thing after school because of my homework. But here's my plan, I will do this, I will do that. She will mete you her objections and you will find that she has trained herself to be extra responsible, because she is looking for a way to make it work for you, as well as for her. And then finally, stay connected because the reason your child stays connected in the end is because of his connection with you. And if you are connected to him and he wants to please you, he's much more likely to do what you ask.

See Laura Markham, PhD's video on How to get your child to want to cooperate...

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Laura Markham, PhD

Clinical Psychologist

Dr. Laura Markham is the author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting. She earned her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University and has worked as a parenting coach with countless parents across the English-speaking world, both in person and via phone. You can find Dr. Laura online at AhaParenting.com, the website of Aha! Moments for parents of kids from birth through the teen years, where you can sign up for her free daily inspiration email.  Dr. Laura lives in New York with her husband and her kids, who are now 17 and 21.

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