Are parents assuming they understand their kid's perspective?

Learn about: Are parents assuming they understand their kid's perspective? from Ross W. Greene, PhD,...
Are parents assuming they understand their kid's perspective? | Kids in the House
KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
Kids in the House Tour

Are parents assuming they understand their kid's perspective?

Comment
6
Like
6
Transcription: 
You know one thing I'll say about us adults. We think we already know what's getting in the kid's way, so we really don't see the point in trying to figure out what's getting in the kid's way in that first step of solving a problem collaboratively, because we think we already know. Here's the amazing thing. I cannot tell you how often I have the experience. This is the norm actually. Where once we do that first step of solving a problem collaboratively, once we actually figure out with the kid what's been getting in his way, it is very common for adults to look at me and say, that is not what I thought he was going to say. Here's the amazing thing. When you're solving a problem unilaterally, you are basing your solutions on what you thought was getting in the kid's way. But what's getting in the kid's way is actually not what you thought, which helps explain why the solution you came up with based on what you thought was getting in the kid's way couldn't possibly get the job done. What you thought was getting in the kid's way was not what was getting in the kid's way. Your solution is going to flop. That's what happens when we're solving a problem unilaterally. When we're solving a problem collaboratively, we go into it saying to ourselves, you know, I might have some ideas about what's getting in his way, but the reality is, I probably have no idea. That's why I'm going to gather information from my child to find out what's really getting in his way. I'm probably wrong.

Learn about: Are parents assuming they understand their kid's perspective? from Ross W. Greene, PhD,...

Transcript

Expert Bio

More from Expert

Ross W. Greene, PhD

Psychologist, Author & Researcher

Ross W. Greene, Ph.D., is the author of the well-known books The Explosive Child and Lost at School, and the originator of a model of care (now known as Collaborative & Proactive Solutions) emphasizing collaboration between kids and adults in resolving the problems contributing to children’s behavioral challenges.  He is also associate clinical professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, on the professional staff at the Cambridge Hospital, adjunct associate professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech, and senior lecturer in the graduate program in school psychology in the Department of Education at Tufts University.  Dr. Greene founded the non-profit Lives in the Balance to provide free, web-based resources on his model and to advocate on behalf of behaviorally challenging kids and their parents, teachers, and other caregivers.  He lectures widely throughout the world and lives in Portland, Maine, with his wife and two kids.

More Parenting Videos from Ross W. Greene, PhD >
Enter your email to
download & subscribe
to our newsletter