KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
Kids in the House Tour

Daughter's friend is drinking

Posted September 23, 2015 - 2:14pm

One of my daughter's friends, who we have know since she was little has recently started drinking after school. She swore my daughter to secrecy when she told her but she shared it with me anyway. I feel obligated to tell the girl's mom but don't want to betray my daughter's confidence. Any ideas?

8 posts / 0 new
Last post

justamom

Personally, I wouldn't get involved. My son's friend was molested by an older boy right in front of my son. I found out about it & tried to talk to the victim's mother. The mother then came over to my house & screamed in my face that I was a liar. Sometimes people don't want you knowing their business, just sayin'.


Your Kid's Table

Wow, this is really tough. How well do you know her parents? Would it be an option to talk to a school guidance counsler on her behalf? Do you have a relationship with this girl that maybe you could talk to her first?  Just some thoughts...


Mommy Ramblings

That is a tough call, you know sometimes even though your intentions are good the mom could feel like she was being attacked. You know being called a bad parent, doesn't know what her daughter is doing. She could get defensive and start saying things about your daughter. I have seen a lot of that happen when a parent feels like they are under the microscope.


CandyOvercaffed

Wow. That's tough. What does your daughter think? Is she concerned for her friend's safety at this point? If so, would it be appropriate for your daughter to voice her concerns as a friend?


sunnykathleen

Thank you for answering. The girls now go to different schools. I am not close with the other mom. I am torn still. My daughter has questioned her a bit about why she is behaving like that and the friend is very defensive and doesn't want to stop. My girl is pulling back and won't be hanging out with her. It bothers me not to tell her mom, but maybe the mom has to figure it out on her own? Tough one


CandyOvercaffed

What about reaching out to the other mom in a vague way? Like, "Hey is so and so doing OK? I only ask because my daughter thought she seemed like she was a little down and was concerned." Maybe not entirely true, but might be enough to get the mom engaged or tuned in.


jonbonjovious

Yikes! I think CandyOverCaffed has a good option by vaguely elluding to it. I once talked to my son's best friend's mom about her son smoking marijuana. It didn't go well and there were issues with her and I after...and my son felt I had betrayed him. If I had to do it over, I would most likely just talk to my own son...get his thoughts and perspective and discuss our family values and reiterate that he can come to me.I don't think parents are open (often) to hearing their child is struggling. I hope the best for everyone involved.