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Discussing Virginity

Posted September 1, 2015 - 9:21pm

My 17 year old daughter recently asked me when I lost my virginity. I did not feel like that was something I wanted to tell her. I have very open and honest conversations about sexuality but felt like my own personal decision wasn't something for her to know. Any thoughts on this? How have you handled questions like this?

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Gulp. My oldest is 9 so I haven't had to deal with that yet, but I've thought about it. Would I think I would do is not go into details but instead talk to her about how I decided I was ready for that step in the relationship. Perhaps you could even talk about how now you can see that it was a good/bad decision - share something that gives her insight and lets her know you are confiding important feelings to her about your own experience. I think by skipping the details but focusing on your feelings at the time you honor her request without oversharing.


I've had this talk three times now. I am always honest and answer truthfully. I explain my thoughts then vs now. What I wish I had known, what I have learned and how it impacted the larger picture. I think that your daughter is asking means she respect you and wants some guidance. My son, who will be 26 in November, was my first and I was so caught off-guard. I remember starting that conversation with, "I'm not going to tell you to wait, because I didn't...but what I want to share with you is the profound impact that single decision had on the rest of my life." My son gave me a hug and said, "I know my decision". I left it at that. 


Oh how sweet. I think that's a great approach.


Thanks. It's a frightening topic!


When they were younger, it wasn't easy to talk about, but now that they're "of age" I don't really have a problem with it. My daughter has a tendency to frown when I "don't act my age" however. I think she still wants Carol Brady, which I will never be!


thank you for your thoughtful answers! I appreciate it. Raising teens isn't easy, but it is rewarding and I love them to pieces!