Benefits and challenges of a known donor

Susan Goldberg, MA Author & Blogger, shares advice for couples seeking to get pregnant on the benefits and challenges of using a known sperm donor
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Benefits and challenges of a known donor

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What are the benefits and challenges of using a known donor? So that's somebody who has donated sperm or donated eggs to help you create a baby. And I think the benefits and challenges of a known donor are 2 sides of the same coin. On the one hand you've got a person who's really involved potentially with your kids and your kids' lives, and on the other hand you've got this person involved in your life. And it can get complicated. In our case we have a known donor. My partner and I have a friend who donated sperm. We've had 2 boys with him. We've had a great experience. He is somebody who's around to visit with our kids, to be an extra person in their lives who loves them, who takes care of them sometimes, who they can call up on Skype and play with, who they've traveled with, and it's just been a really nice experience for us to have another person around who really loves our kids. And the drawbacks are that you have this extra person in your life and that adds complication to it especially over things that are as primal as having children. There are lots of feelings there, there's lots of emotions. People's feelings can get hurt. People might want things that they can't have. People might misunderstand each other. What if he wants his mom to meet the kids or he wants to do something different at the holidays, etc. So you have to take somebody else into your life and their needs into account. So you have to be prepared when you're thinking about going with a known donor to understand that there's more than 2 people now in this equation.

Susan Goldberg, MA Author & Blogger, shares advice for couples seeking to get pregnant on the benefits and challenges of using a known sperm donor

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Susan Goldberg, MA

Author & Blogger

Susan Goldberg is a writer, editor, essayist and blogger, and coeditor of the award-winning anthology And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families. Her writing has been featured on the CBC and the Globe and Mail, in Ms., Lilith, and Stealing Time magazines, and several anthologies, including the forthcoming Chasing Rainbows: Exploring Gender-Fluid Parenting Practices. Susan is a contributing blogger at Today’sParent.com and VillageQ.com. In 2012, she was chosen as one of BlogHer’s Voices of the Year. She’s currently (always) working on a novel, called Step on a Crack, and on Overflow, a one-woman performance piece about lingerie and breast cancer. Susan lives in Thunder Bay, Ontario, with her partner and their two sons.

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