How to help siblings resolve their conflicts

Child Psychologist Pamela Varady, PsyD, shares advice for parents on how to teach your children to stop fighting amongst themselves and resolve their conflicts peacefully
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How to help siblings resolve their conflicts

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Most people think that they shouldn’t get involved in their kids bickering or fighting. I totally disagree. I think there is a very important place for us to get involved. A very important way for us to get involved. And that’s lightly. So when two kids are fighting, when they’re arguing, it’s really important that they learn from a really smart parent – smart-hearted parent – how to resolve conflict. They’re not going to learn this vital social skill from each other, when they’re both lacking social skills. So I think the important thing is that you don’t want to go into their arguments, like you’re bulldozing them, or like a policewoman, or a judge, or a jury. You want to stay out of it. You want to stay out of who’s right and who’s wrong. But that’s very different than staying out of it completely. We need to help them learn how to get along, so not only will they get along with each other, but they’ll get along with everybody else in the larger world. The sibling relationship is really like a laboratory for how to get along with other people. And teaching conflict resolution is vital. Conflict resolution is really about, “You have needs. I have needs. Our needs are competing. What do we do?” And then children like to be very creative and they’ll figure out creative solutions to that. But it’s the parent’s job to teach conflict resolution.

Child Psychologist Pamela Varady, PsyD, shares advice for parents on how to teach your children to stop fighting amongst themselves and resolve their conflicts peacefully

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Pamela Varady, PsyD

Psychologist

Dr. Pamela Varady is a Child and Adult Psychologist and sought-after parenting expert. She has appeared as a relationship expert on NBC, Discovery Health Network, The Today Show and Fox TV.  Dr. Varady wrote a workbook, 15 Minutes To Sibling Harmony and conducts seminars and Purposeful Parenting Classes throughout Southern California. In addition, Dr. Varady operates Dynamic Learning and Listening Center for children with special needs with her husband, Dr. Jackson Varady and sister, Dr. Jennifer Glasser, who are also psychologists. Pamela lives in Santa Monica with her husband and 13 year old twin boys.

 

 

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