How to talk to daughters about sex

Watch Video: How to talk to daughters about sex by SuEllen Hamkins, MD, ...
How to talk to daughters about sex | Kids in the House
KidsInTheHouse the Ultimate Parenting Resource
Kids in the House Tour

How to talk to daughters about sex

Comment
177
Like
177
Transcription: 
Talking with your daughter about sex is not an event; it’s a process. It starts in her early childhood and goes throughout her adolescence. And what you want to do is create a foundation that will be the basis for additional conversations over time. It starts with you asking yourself what are you own values about sex and relationships. This is one of the most important things that you’ll be communicating to her. Next, consider the issue of desire. Helping your daughter understand what she wants and what she doesn’t want in all areas of life is what empowers her to be able to create the life that she wants to be leading. And helping her understand that prepares her for understanding what she will want sexually, which is important for creating a satisfying, happy sexual relationship, which is so important for girls and women. The third thing is you can teach your daughter how to communicate what she wants, because she can’t get what she wants unless she can ask for it. A great and fun way to do this with your daughter is to give her a foot massage and ask her exactly what she likes and what she doesn’t like with the intention of her getting just the massage she wants. Or no massage if that’s what she feels like. This gives her the skills to be able to communicate what she’ll want in the future when she’s having sexual experiences. Once you have these pieces in place, then you can talk with her in age appropriate way about sex. When she’s 6 or 7 you can give her the basics of where babies come from. When she’s 9 and 10 you can talk to her about her menstrual cycle. And then when she’s 12 or 13 start talking to her about relationships and sexuality. And give her the information she would need to have safe sex. Even though 12 and 13 sounds young, in this day and age of the Internet, she’s going to get a lot of information from there. And girls really like getting personal information from their mothers.

Watch Video: How to talk to daughters about sex by SuEllen Hamkins, MD, ...

Transcript

Expert Bio

More from Expert

SuEllen Hamkins, MD

Psychiatrist & Author

SuEllen Hamkins, MD, is a psychiatrist, author and founding member of the Mother-Daughter Project, a community of women and girls that developed powerful, practical ways to help mothers and daughters stay connected and thrive through adolescence. Co-author of The Mother-Daughter Project: How Mothers and Daughters Can Band Together, Beat the Odds and Thrive Through Adolescence, Dr. Hamkins has given numerous presentations for parents and psychotherapists around the world, focusing on mothers, daughters, their relationships and the kinds of communities that nurture them.  As the psychiatrist for the Smith College Counseling Service from 1992-2004, SuEllen offered consultation to over a thousand women ages 16 to 23 to help them resist and overcome problems such as anorexia, bulimia, depression, anxiety, trauma, assault, and self-injury.  In addition to her work on behalf of mothers and daughters, as the Assistant Director for Psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, she has been instrumental in developing strengths-based, narrative approaches to psychotherapy and psychiatric practice, helping people cultivate their values and strengths in the face of serious difficulties.  SuEllen is the mother of two daughters, now 17 and 22, and raising them has been the most thrilling and rewarding work of her life. She lives with her husband and younger daughter in western Massachusetts, where they love to swim outdoors, cross country ski, shoe snow, dance, cook and lounge around in the living room, reading. 

More Parenting Videos from SuEllen Hamkins, MD >
Enter your email to
download & subscribe
to our newsletter